Don’t Quote Me Boy, I Ain’t Said Shiz-niggity
I’m gonna be honest with you – this post is simply an excuse to jot down the Blazing Saddles quotes that have been stuck in my head the past week. Long-term use of the thread should be as a catch-all for any awesome quotes from movies, TV, talk shows, announcers, etc. So when a random quote gets stuck in your head, don’t be selfish, share the love.
The only rule here is make sure you help us out, just in case everybody doesn’t follow. So movie (or show) title, if applicable, who said it, etc.
Oh & FYI — Simpsons quotes go here.
That is all.
Blazing Saddles
Sheriff Bart: Where all the white women?
When signing up for Headley’s gang
Headley Lamarr: Qualifications?
Sheriff Bart: Cattle Rustlin
HL: That’s not much of a crime.
SB: Through the Vatican?
HL: Kinky.
Taggart: What in the Wide, Wide World of Sports is goin on here?!
Also, how cool is it when the dude punches that horse? Come on.
Best line ever, “Where all the white women at?”
BAd guy, “I like rape, murder, arson, and rape.”
Lemarr, “You said rape twice.”
Bad guy, “I like rape.”
“Old School” is on my mind this morning…
“I see Blue…. he looks glorious”
“Once it hits your lips, it’s so good! So good when it hits your lips…”
“We’re going streaking!”
“I’ll be in the neighborhood later on, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get some frozen yogurt, or perhaps a whole meal of food…”
“You know I was thinking we could go back home… have some dinner and pop in the Sisqo CD… no? Weren’t thinking that?”
“Well, let me be the first to say congratulations to you man; you have one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart man.”
“what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?”
“No it’s cool man, bring your green hat!”
and, by far, the best…
“Honey… you think KFC’s still open?”
Aqua Teen Hunger Force:
Master Shake – “Playing is for pleasure.”
Master Shake – “Plaque is a figment of the liberal media and the dental industry to scare you into buying useless appliances and pastes. Now, I’ve heard the arguments on both sides, and there is nothing to convince me of the need to brush your teeth… I got rid of my teeth at an early age because… I’m straight. Teeth are for gay people. That’s why fairies come and get them.”
Clark W. Grizwald, from Vacation:
That’s the mighty Mississippi. The old Miss, the old man.
Vicky, can I help you with that Kool-Aid? Please?
*Real* tomato ketchup, Eddie?
I’ve spent the last 15 yrs of my life developing newer, better food additives… I guess i’ve missed a lot.
kingpin (1996)
Mr. Boorg: How many children do you have?
Roy: None that I know of. I mean, I’m unable to have children. Nasty cheese grating accident as a boy.
Roy: How about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the the novelty machine in the men’s room? I mean, those are fun even when you’re alone. We’re talkin’ the hula hoop of the nineties.
Lancaster Bowl Manager: Look, I’ve told you. We don’t need nuthin’. We don’t even have a novelty machine in the men’s room anymore.
Roy: And you call yourselves a bowling alley?
Roy: [quietly] Shh, be quiet.
[he trips and falls]
Roy: Oww, I think I tore my sack.
Ishmael: [loudly] Are you OK Mr. Munson?
Roy: Shh, what did I just say?
Ishmael: Uh, I think I tore my sack
McCracken, Ernie: Hi… not you… hi.
National Lampoon’s Christmas:
“Isn’t that tree a little big Clark?”
“No, it just has a lot of sap.” (Cuts the ropes off of the tree in the living room…branches go everywhere)
“Lots of sap! A little full. Full of sap!!”
Eddie: “He has a lip fungus that hasn’t been identified yet.”
Clark: ” Hey kids, I heard on the news tonight that Santa’s sleigh was spotted heading this way.”
Eddie: “Are you serious Clark?”
Eddie: “See, they took this metal plate out of my head and replaced it with plastic. If I get hit on this side of my head and dent it where my hair parts, well, my hair just isn’t going to look right. “
Kev, that “Hi… not you… hi” quote from Kingpin is the best part of the movie.
And should sack be sans K? Always funny spelled that way…
Okay, because I know you are all waiting for the Strangers With Candy quotes, I give you Season 1… There are many great lines that I just can’t in good conscience quote on the site, but here are some I can:
Noblet – For tomorrow, I want you to write a history poem on Hiroshima. But nothing too faaaaaaaggy. (While writing “faggy” on the board)
Jerri Blank – It’s not about mistakes, mother, it’s about choices. And i’ve chosen to make a mistake.
Principal Blackman – Mr. and Mrs. Blank, I called you in today because of a brazen display of audacity… and by audacity I mean hubris, overweening pride.
Noblet – The tragic irony of the Trojan War is that though it was fought over Helen, who was young and beautiful, by the time they rescued her, ten years later, she was old and ugly.
Tina – But wasn’t recovering the king’s wife reward enough for the Greeks?
Noblet – Tina, an ugly woman is never a reward. Remember that.
(During interrogation)
Principal Blackman – Why were you in the bathroom?
Paul Cotton – I had to relieve myself.
Blackman – And of what were you relieved? … When nature called, who came a-knockin?
Cotton – … Number two.
Blackman – Oh, I see. And how would you characterize the stool? … Would you say it was firm? Would you say it was aggressive, or presumptuous? Would you call it moody? Tell me all about it.
Cotton – Um, I’m not sure… I don’t know…
Blackman – You don’t remember or you don’t *wanna* remember?!!
Jerri Blank – You know, I’ve been there before and it ain’t easy. The Man locks you in a tin box under the punishing Florida sun after cuttin sugar cane all day… soakin in your own filth. Gah. The smell was *ridiculous*. But I never talked.
Paul Cotton – Well I told him I didn’t know, but he didn’t believe me.
Jerri – How many times have I been punished for things I said I didn’t do… And they didn’t believe me.
Cotton – They punished you for the things you didn’t do?
Jerri – No, no, I did them. But I said I didn’t and they punished me anyway.
Percy Kittens (former grief counselor) – What you have to do is you have to take that anger, focus it back inside, hold it there, and then never, ever tell anyone about it.
Jerri Blank – I don’t even know if racism exists anymore… But I do know this: you are very small. You come from a country with a brutal and unforgiving penal system run by savage animals, much like Brazil.
Mrs. Blank – Oh Guy, please cut back that Wandering Jew, it’s taking over the whole yard.
Paul Cotton – Why did you write such a hateful word on the wall?
Jerri Blank – Well, uh… I meant it to be a parable.
Percy Kittens – You meant it to be a message conveyed through an allegorical narrative?
Jerri – No… uh, um… a pun!
Percy – A pun, a play on words… There’s only one word, how much play could there be?
Jerri – Okay, uh… A riddle?
Derrick Blank – That’s my step-sister.
Jerri Blank – Yeah, he’s my step-fag.
Geoffrey Jellineck – Don’t lie to me, Jerri. Fool me, con me, create illusions that place me in a magical world I don’t understand, but don’t lie to me.
Geoffrey Jellineck – Your daughter has a disease we call anorexia.
Mrs. Blank – Is that contagious?
Jellineck – Yes, it often spreads through third-world countries that are stricken by drought.
Derrick Blank – Jerri’s problems are tearin this family apart.
Geoffrey Jellineck – Good, but see if you can restate that in a more positive way.
Derrick – This family’s being torn apart by Jerri’s problems.
Jellineck – Excellent.
Geoffrey Jellineck – Now this particular kiln heats up to fifteen hundred degrees. To put that into perspective, imagine one degree fifteen hundred times.
Also from Blazing Saddles -
Headley LaMar: All right, I’m through being Mr. Goodbar.
Army of Darkness:
Duke Henry: You’re not one of my vassals… who are you?
Ash: Who wants to know?
Duke Henry: I am Henry the Red. Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northlands and leader of its peoples.
Ash: Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I’ve got news for you pal, you ain’t leadin’ but two things: Jack and shit… and Jack just left town.
Sheila: But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private?
Ash: Oh that’s just what we call pillow talk, baby, that’s all
Okay, Army of Darkness could have a whole thread of its own. I declare, with no trace of hyperbole, that it is the absolute best one-liner movie of all time. Let it be so.
Man, Wandering Jew would be a great name for a band.
ATHF:
Black Adder the Third:
I don’t know why I like this one so much, but it makes me giggle like a little girl (normally I giggle like a middle-aged woman):
Brian and Stewie are at college, and Stewie hangs up a framed print of that popular M.C. Escher drawing with the staircases. He goes outside to throw the frisbee, he accidentally throws it into the room, it hits the drawing (the frame of which shatters), and he says, “Oh no, did that hit Crazy Stairs?”
O brother where art thou:
Pete: Wait a minute. Who elected you leader of this outfit?
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well Pete, I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain’t the consensus view, then hell, let’s put it to a vote.
Pete: Suits me. I’m voting for yours truly.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well I’m voting for yours truly too.
[Everett and Pete look at Delmar for the deciding vote]
Delmar O’Donnell: Okay… I’m with you fellas.
Pappy O’Daniel: Shake a leg Junior! Thank God your mammy died givin’ birth. If she’d have seen you, she’d have died o’ shame.
Junior O’Daniel: We could hire our own midget, even shorter than his.
Pappy O’Daniel: Wouldn’t we look like a bunch of Johnny-come-latelies, bragging on our own midget, doesn’t matter how stumpy
Pappy O’Daniel: I’ll press your flesh, you dimwitted sumbitch! You don’t tell your pappy how to court the electorate. We ain’t one-at-a-timin’ here. We’re MASS communicating!
Homer Stokes: These boys is not white! These boys is not white! Hell, they ain’t even old timey!
Excellent call on the O Brother, Kev. I need to sit down w/ a pencil & paper & watch the other Coen Bros. movies, particularly Raising Arizona. (I kid. I don’t really have paper in the house.)
But until then, enjoy these quotes about the best element of O Brother, Where Art Thou? — Ulysses Everett McGill’s obsession w/ his hair:
(These quotes came from the internets, so if they’re a little off, blame Al Gore.)
& note to self — start referring to your hair product as “smellum”
More from Vacation (Darren, I’m surprised you didn’t post this particular one)
This one utilizes a great name (which I have listed in It All Begins With The Name) that the Python boys used liberally
On Reno 911, Clemmy marries her boyfriend Steve. This just proves that white trash shouldn’t marry outside of the trailer park. Something to think about, I guess…
steve should be Steed (Timothy Brennen …. Steed Lankershim )
that is a pretty hilarious exchange.
TED THEODORE LOGAN: Do you know when the Mongols ruled China? … Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.
A good ATHF moment…
(Shake & the Boost Mobile cell phone are dancing)
CARL: What the hell is this here? Some, uh… some sort of gay-off? Dude, what are you dancin’ about? You’re poor.
At a Family Guy town meeting
Mayor West: Citizens of Quahog, we have a problem!
Justin Timberlake: You’re damn right we do! Peter Griffin stole my hair!
Mayor West: Settle down, Jeffrey!
Justin Timberlake (correcting him): Justin.
Mayor West: Mike.
Although this SNL Iron Chef skit had huge potential that it didn’t live up to, I think this line is hilarious:
In order to really appreciate this quote, you have to know what the Old Man sounds like. Hopefully it’s still fairly funny even if you don’t know.
Lois Griffin: It’s so nice to be home.
Answering machine: You have 113 new messages.
Lois Griffin: Oh, my!
Old Man: I was just wondering where the newspaper boy (Chris Griffin) was. [Machine beeps]
Old Man: Haven’t seen a newspaper in a couple days.
Old Man: Wonderin’ if he ever gonna come back. [Machine beeps]
Old Man: Guess who?
Old Man: Sorry to leave you so many messages. Just lonely here.
Old Man: Thinkin’ about the muscly-armed paperboy.
Old Man: Wishin’ he’d come by and bring me some good news. [Machine beeps]
Old Man: Where are you?
Old Man: (mean) You’re starting to ___ me off, you little piggly son of a ____.
Old Man: (pleasant) Call me.
As w/ Scott’s quote w/ the Old Man (creepiest voice ever, BTW), this is really only funniy if you’re familiar with Chris Elliott, & prob only if you know this scene from Kingpin:
& FYI, Chris Elliott = Underrated
Reno 911!
more kingpin
Ishmael: You been drinking, Mr. Munson?
Roy: I don’t puke when I drink. I puke when I don’t.
Landlady: What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose tiger.
Ernie McCracken: You’re on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.
Ernie McCracken: It’s a small world when you’ve got unbelievable tits Roy.
Ernie McCracken: Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?
Ishmael: Ten frames? That’s for Quakers.
Ishmael: I didn’t want to be the one to tell him, but with those narrow hips, that girl couldn’t have more than 6 or 7 children!
From Scrubs, Elliot’s speaking to… okay, I guess I don’t know all their names yet, but the idiot jock-like surgeon intern:
David Spade’s take on reality TV (which would include all of your “competitive” acts in which contestants whore themselves out for public approval)
“This is how television’s *supposed* to work: you figure out what’s good and *then* you put it on the air.”
The beginning of Big Trouble in Little China, where Jack Burton is driving his rig into town in the rain, talking on the CB radio to no one in particular is awesome:
What About Bob?
Bob Wiley: There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don’t. My ex-wife loves him.
Dr. Leo Marvin: Why exactly are you doing this?
Bob Wiley: Well, if I fake it then I don’t have it.
Bob Wiley: what if I’m looking for a bathroom, I can’t find one… and my bladder explodes?
Bob Wiley: Dr. Marvin, I’M SAILING!
Dr. Leo Marvin: That’s good, KEEP SAILING BOB!
Bob Wiley: I SAIL! I SAIL! I’m a sailor! Y’know, out on the lake, on the water, with the sky and everything! AHOY!!!
Dumb & Dumber:
Lloyd: That’s a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?
Lady at bus stop: Austria.
Lloyd: Austria! Well, then. G’day mate! Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie!
Lady at bus stop: Let’s not.
Lloyd: I’ll bet you twenty dollars I can get you gambling before the day is out!
Harry: No!
Lloyd: I’ll give you three to one odds.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Five to one.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Ten to one?
Harry: You’re on!
Lloyd: I’m gonna get ya!
Harry: Nu uh!
Lloyd: I don’t know how but I’m gonna get ya.
Harry: What’s her last name? I’ll look it up.
Lloyd: You know, I don’t really recall. Starts with an S! Let’s see. Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? Swanson?
Harry: Maybe it’s on the briefcase.
Lloyd: Oh, yeah! It’s right here.
[He reads the manufacturer's name, which is Samsonite]
Lloyd: Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S, though.
Lloyd: Excuse me, little old lady. Do you have change for a dollar?
Elderly woman: Change? No I’m sorry, I don’t.
Lloyd: Well, can you do me a favor and watch my stuff here while I go break a dollar?
Elderly woman: Of course.
Lloyd: Thanks. Hey, I guess they’re right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I’ll be right back. Don’t you go dying on me!
From Adult Swim’s fabulous 12 Oz. Mouse:
To once again mention PCU, here’s where David Spade’s “little republican” character is giving his series of passwords at the door to get into his club of yuppies:
Rerno 911, i think this is right.
Homeland Security Guy: There are five dwarves. One speaks french. One speaks Portuguese. The others are all mute. you have one bullet. Which one do you shoot?
Wiegel: umm the black one
Homeland Security Guy: I never said there was a black one, but you are correct.
I’ll let you all figure out the TV show this is from
The Naked Gun
Ed to Lt. Drebbin: “They say Nordberg has a 50/50 chance of living…and you know there’s only a 10% chance of that.”
Lietenant Drebbin: “She had legs you would want to suck on for a day.”
Lt. Drebbin: “Don’t you worry, we will not rest until we catch those that are behind all of this. C’mon Ed, let’s go get something to eat.”
More Dukes Quotes
You asked for them here they are
driving through kansas there was a toll road and it made me think of this, esp the first two parts
Here’s a fun quote from Freaks & Geeks, which I am very glad I started watching:
I’m not the first to sing the show’s praises, but I’ll throw my two cents in & recommend it to about anyone…
Randy From My Name is earl
mpre randy
JOY
Dedicated to “Help Me Help You”:
[Fry is homesick for the 20th century in the 31st century, so he goes to an auction that's selling 1,000-year-old items]
Leela: I just don’t get it. Who was this Ted Danson, and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton?
Fry: I have an idea for a sitcom.
shouldn’t ted danson be in the “go away’ section??
Quite.
Luke Duke, “You don;t win tri-county by hugging the middle of the road.”
Ricky Bobby: “I”m #1 ! When I wake up in the morning, I piss excellence.”
Ricky Bobby: “I’ve sent in my application to the Real World. So I’m hoping to hear back from that. I’m putting A LOT of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I’m also thinking about getting a gun, and dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not like a mean crack dealer, but like… like a nice one. Kinda friendly like, “hey, what’s up guys? Want some crack?” I’m just waiting on those two things to flesh themselves out.”
Cal: I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.
Ricky Bobby: No. You’re the Magic Man and I’m El Diablo
Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does El Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It’s like Spanish for like a fighting chicken.
I need to see Ricky Bobby again. That little bit there about the Real World is money.
Okay Darren, that kinda put me in a Ferrell mood… One overlooked quote from Anchorman, from the end of the movie’s opening narration, when that dude (is he, like, a famous newscaster?) is giving us the run-down on Ron:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Kurtis
A little more of Ricky Bobby:
Ricky Bobby: 98% of people will die sometime in their lives.
Ricky Bobby: Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me! Help me, Oprah Winfrey!
Ricky Bobby: Well, Let me give you a saying from Colonel Sanders. I am too drunk to taste this chicken
Ricky Bobby: Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I want to thank you for this wonderful meal, my two beautiful sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, and my Red-Hot Smokin’ Wife, Carley
This is an exchange that took place in my classroom the other day. I sent the kids to the board to practice (or they can get out some paper and work at their desk). Well this one girl wasn;t doing her work, and was talking so i said something to her then cam ethis beauty
i just though that you’d all like to know.
“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving
kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I
mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with
all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey
Bull crap. Not a direct quote. Nobody’s that stupid.
& knock it off. You’re giving Chris nightmares.
“You’ve got to find ways to stick your finger in the dike,” coach Marty Schottenheimer said today.
(talking about the team playing through injuries and other missing players)
this is bad but mister rogers quotes
And yes, I have a bombdiggity jive accent if anyone is wondering…
Randy: Can I get you something?
Second Jive Dude: ‘S’mofo butter layin’ me to da’ BONE! Jackin’ me up… tight me!
Randy: I’m sorry, I don’t understand.
First Jive Dude: Cutty say ‘e can’t HANG!
Jive Lady: Oh stewardess! I speak jive.
Randy: Oh, good.
Jive Lady: He said that he’s in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him.
Randy: All right. Would you tell him to just relax and I’ll be back as soon as I can with some medicine?
Jive Lady: Jus’ hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da’ rebound on da’ med side.
Second Jive Dude: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap!
Jive Lady: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don’ want no help, chump don’t GET da’ help!
First Jive Dude: Say ‘e can’t hang, say seven up!
Jive Lady: Jive ass dude don’t got no brains anyhow! Hmmph!
For you non-Airplane fans out there, the above quote is so funny because “Jive Lady” is Barbara “June Cleaver” Billingsley
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbara_Billingsley
Sling Blade
Quote of the day: (Shavlik Randolph commenting on John Amaechi former NBA player coming out of the “closet”)
“As long as you don’t bring your gayness on me I’m fine,” Randolph said.
Just watched Talledega Nights last night
favorite quotes in order
Texas Ranger: Why, if it isn’t our mangy, transient grandfather.
(basically every line texas ranger had was funny)
Cal Naughton, Jr.: There is something I want to get off my chest. It’s about that summer, when you went away to community college. I got an offer to do Playgirl Magazine, and I did it. I did a full spread for Playgirl Magazine. I mean spread man, I pulled my butt apart and stuff. I was totally nude. it was weird, I… I mean you probably didn’t hear about it because I went under the name of Mike Honcho. But I just wanted you to know that. If you can hear me, if it got into your brain somehow. That I spread my buttcheeks as Mike Honcho.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Ricky, if you turn on the stereo, how do you control the volume on the television?
Ricky Bobby: If you have the stereo on, why would you turn up the volume on the TV?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Cause I like to party.
Ricky Bobby: “I’m getting dizzy…from, from….all the gayness.”
Ali G is talking to a cop about gang activity, and the cop explains gang signs to him:
They Live (1988) starring Rowdy Roddy Piper
Okay, time for some girly romantic quotes (sorry guys):
Tolstoy “War & Peace”
[spoken from Natasha to Pierre as he stumbles into their Warsaw mansion laying in ruins after the French retreated during Napolean's war in Russia] “You’re like this house. You suffer, you show your wound, but you stand.”
“The most difficult thing – but an essential one – is to love Life, to love it even while one suffers, because Life is all. Life is God, and to love Life means to love God.”
Charlotte Bronte “Jane Eyre”
[Mr. Rochester to Jane] “I sometimes have this queer feeling with regard to you – especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a smiliar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous channel, and two hundred miles or so of land come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I’ve a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, – you’d forget me.”
Jane Austen “Emma”
[Mr. Knightly to Emma] “I cannot make speeches Emma:’ – he soon resumed; and in a tone of such sincere, decided, intelligible tenderness as was tolerably convincing. – ‘If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have bourne it. Bear with the truths I would tell you now, dearest Emma, as well as you have borne with them. The manner, perhaps, may have little to recommend them. God knows, I have been a very indifferent lover. But you understand me. Yes, you see, you understand my feelings – and will return them if you can.”
I had to post these somewhere. I can’t help but fall in love with all of the artsy language from the classical novels. Am I the only one who reads these? I would guess not. I bet there are a few die hard readers out there.
I am out here – I enjoy the classical novels too. Love to read also. Enjoy epic history tales.
Being a 19th century British dandy isn’t helping matters
BAWDY BRITISH LANGUAGE ALERT!
The question to the Final Jeopardy! tonight was “What is The Old Curiosity Shop” (a book by Charles Dickens). One woman put “What is Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe” and got it wrong. Hilarity. That reminded me of this sequence from The Oblongs:
Bob and James go to a place called “Ye Olde Teats and Arse”
Bob: [Gasps] Good Lord, that woman has no blouse on. ‘[Gasps] My God, she’s making it worse.
James: Bob, this is a strip joint.
Bob: A what? I thought it was a colonial-themed steak house.
Announcer: Hear ye, hear ye. Let’s give it up for a great patriot, Lady Amber from the county of Cleavage as she declares independence from her knickers.
the mr keener quote of the day
“Gary, don’t touch my thing.”
I was rereading this today, and man, I want to take up calling people “Cutty”. Unless of course it’s dirty or something.
cutty is ebonics, it is used as a verb to describe “the act of having sex,” most commonly with a “hood rat”. A “Hood-Rat”, before you ask, is an adjetive of th ebonics dialect used to describe a rather permiscuiouse female
Not sure if this is credible or not, just ignore that fact that he cain’t spell “adjetive”
I think it can be much more general than that, like your homie or peep. Urban Dictionary is all over the place though…
I do like this definition since my first car was a “cutty”:
7. cutty
A Cutlass Supreme by Oldsmobile.
That’s a sick ass cutty.
I love Urban Dictionary. In fact I used it this evening after hearing this word while waiting in line for a free burrito at Chipotle. I wore a crafty tinfoil hat that bent with the wind.
Quotes of the year 2007
http://www.yahoo.com/s/800508
this quote is awesome
“My hobby is work,” he said. “Everyone in my family is mad at me but I tell them that if they want money, go out and earn it.”
King of the Hill
Joseph is Job shadowing Hank Hill and his dad Dale is spying on him to make sure he is correctly job shadowing hank so that he can earn money finacially so that when Dale gets older and his wife is no longer able to earn money joseph will be able to take care of him
good advise to any teenager
Today, an african american woman was describing to me an event that took place in her “babyhood” . She said that she was just a baby when she fell off the “high bed” and onto a “skull can……we lived out in the country.” I broke out into a smile and actually had pain in my gut because I was holding the laughter in.
What’s a skull can? Skoal maybe?
I keep all of my skulls at the foot of my bed too.
Mary, you have to promise not to take offense, but your mention of that woman’s ethnicity reminded me of this:
Jimmy Fallon: Officials at a zoo in Bangladesh said the zookeeper was killed by two black bears, in an attempt to-
Tina Fey: Wait, wait, wait! Why did you have to say they’re black bears? How is the color of their fur relevent?
Jimmy Fallon: Well, but they *were* black bears.
Tina Fey: Oh. But if they were polar bears, you wouldn’t say two white bears attacked someone. You’re prejudiced, Jimmy! You’re-you’re a specist!
Jimmy Fallon: Specist? Really?
Tina Fey: Yeah.
Jimmy Fallon: Well, I’m gonna make a fool out of you – maybe. ‘Cause I travel around with something. I don’t know, maybe you want to see this? [ takes out picture ] My wife is a black bear! [ reveals the picture of himself with the black bear ] So, now, who’s the idiot – you or me, the guy who married a black bear? [ silence from Tina ] I thought so!
I’m not sure where to place this, but I think that one of the funniest 5 minutes in cinema history should be documented somewhere. Here’s my favorite clip from So I Married An Ax Murderer
“That head’s like sputnik. Spherical but quick, pointy in parts.”
Reno 911, there was a lottery fraud thing, so everyone thought they won the lottery here is what deputy Johnson said when she thought she won the lottery
you are blisters on my taint, i’m gonna start using that one when i get angry at kids
Oh man, Kevin, I thought that was amazing also. I was thinking about posting it but thought it might offend some sensibilities. I think perhaps the best part is the phrase, “butt bloats,” which if I had the nerve to look into it on urban dictionary probably means something horrendous, but I’ll just assume it’s nonsensical but funny.
Yeah, the lotto ticket mix up was a very good idea, and they played it pretty well.
Stewie: Brian, this is painful. It’s like listening to those two foreign guys down at the coffee shop who’ve been living in the US almost long enough to sound American. (scene cuts to coffee shop)
Guy #1: Oh man, what a good bunch of partying at that disco-tech. They played one of my audience requests.
Guy #2: Way awesome! I myself drank like five liters of beer. Any more and I would have ended up in hospital man.
Guy #1: Oh you said it friend, but I wanted to stay, because I almost had sex on this girl.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, but it was so expensive. Each drink was like six dollars forty!
Moon Rover Ride Narrator: The story of lunar exploration started with one man – a man with a dream.
Animatronic Ralph Kramden: One of these days, Alice. Bang. Zoom. Straight to the moon.
Leela: Wow! I never realized the first astronauts were so fat.
Fry: That’s not an astronaut, it’s a TV comedian! And he was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.
I started recording Kill of the Hill reruns so I could be posting more of these quotes…
Clip here, from 3:10-3:50
Cleveland as Red (Shawshank narrator):
I don’t know what a hollaback girl is, but I have to imagine it’s a foul, disease-ridden thing that wears too much makeup to cover up the fact that it’s a 47-year-old fish dog.
I’ve had this quote from Family Guy in my head today:
Unfortunately I couldn’t find this anywhere, but here’s a “best of” Bruce video.
Jaws V: Fire Island (Family Guy)
From Flight of the Conchords:
Bret: So he wouldn’t serve us basically just because we’re from New Zealand.
Jemaine: Is that the norm?
Dave: Well, you guys are in America now, and there’s a lot of prejudism here. Especially towards people like you.
Bret: What do you mean, people like us?
Dave: You know, the English and what not, red coats, the oppressors…
Jemaine: We’re not English.
Dave: Be that as it may Jemaine, you’re pretty much the most disliked race in this whole country.
Jemaine: What about black people?
Dave They don’t like you either.
As I said before, I’m really enjoying Spaced, and since it’s available on Hulu right now I suggest everyone give it a shot. Here’s a nice piece of work:
Grizwald family moment:
This has been attributed to W. Not sure if it’s an accurate quote, but it made me snort:
Coach Cherri Wolf: Jerri, what does V-I-C-T-O-R-Y spell?
Jerri Blank: Fandango? Hobo camp? Ho… hobo camp!
“Gentlemen, I don’t want to appear selfish, but stop what you’re doing and focus on me.” – Janitor, on Scrubs
“i’ve never seen beastmaster, i just wanted to be cool.” Chevy Chase on community
(On Sit Down, Shut Up they’re trying to lure Sue — Kenan’s character — into the gym for something)
Judge Alex quote of the day “If you’re strapping your girlfriend, and yourself, into a lie detector test.. it is SO over…”
Deal breaker, ladies.
from reno 911
Deputy Clementine Johnson: It’s like when you’re in high school, you always say, “Oh mom I’m going to watch a movie with uh… my boyfriend.” And then you come home and your lips are all swollen like ahhh and your hair is all matted and all your makeup is absorbed into your face and you’re covered with hickies and your mom says, “Hey what were you doing?” And you say, “Oh I was just watching a movie.” and she says, “That’s my boyfriend, I’d appreciate it if you’d stay away!” and then I say, “Oh yeah why don’t you shave your legs, stupid bitch… whore.” But we could make a movie, rarrrrrrr.
Another one from Reno… Dangle and Junior are looking at the stars, pointing out constellations.
Clint Eastwood, from A Fistful of Dollars. This whole scene is great, but here’s the best chunk:
Since you really need to see his eyes, here’s a clip of the whole scene.
From an old timey private investigator radio show, Johnny Dollar: