As I’m sure you know, today is National Prime Rib Day. The problem, of course, is that I don’t foresee myself being near any prime rib. This is always a problem, but apparently it’s especially problematic on this day in particular.
But why today? You may as well ask why the sky is blue or why April is National Car Care Month. Or perhaps you should instead ask why September is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Month and whether it may be a touch too optimistic to go ahead and devote an entire month to that one. The point is the same though: there is a day/week/month for everything, and it’s quite unnecessary.
Personally, I’m thinking we can go ahead and blame China for this. Yes, it’s cool that the Chinese zodiac has the Year of the Monkey and stuff, and I assume that’s a year-long celebration of all things monkey, but you’ve gotta think ahead and realize that without question people will find a way to take your cool thing and make it stupid. For example, in the early 1900s, when other teenage boys were scratching out the jagged letters of Metallica, AC/DC, and Def Leppard, one young Austrian boy tinkered with his own logos, drawing swastikas and “SS” as lightning bolts on his jean jacket, and this looked pretty sweet. But then a brat named Adolph Hitler swiped the idea and said, yeah, that’s cool and all, but we can make it better with racism. This is exactly the same thing. So while the Year of the Metal Monkey is, when assessed with ignorance and imagination, amazingly awesome, the International Year of the Potato is significantly less awesome.
But without further rambling, and to keep my mind off of prime rib, medium rare, I give you a list of ridiculous holidays and days/weeks/months of awareness:
Older Americans Month — May
National Hand Washing Awareness Month — December
Fibromyalgia Education and Awareness Month — May
National Mosquito Control Awareness Month — June
Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day — January 12
Sneakers at Work Day — September 17
Fall Hat Month — September
Family Stories Month — November
World Naked Gardening Day — 1st Saturday in May (Don’t google it, people. Trust me, you do not want to see it.)
Weedless Wednesday — 3rd Wednesday in January
Library Lovers Month — February (kinky)
International Tuba Day – 1st Friday in May
World Sauntering Day — June 19
Aggressive Driving Month — February
Fruity Friday — May 16
Silver Surfers’ Day — May 23
Wrong Trousers Day — June 27
National Fun with Fondue Month — November
Bunsen Burner Day — March 31
World Toilet Day — November 19
Hunt For Happiness Week — 3rd week of January
Evaluate Your Life Day — October 19
Rebuild Your Life Month — June
Admit You’re Happy Month — August
National Optimism Month — March
International Year of Planet Earth — 2007
National Cell Phone Courtesy Month — July
Bathtub Party Day — December 5
Be Kind To Editors and Writers Month — September
National Impotence Day — February 14 (“Raising awareness of the incidence of impotence and other sexual dysfunction…” And yes, you noticed correctly, this is also Valentine’s Day.)
National Hanging Out Day — April 19
National Umbrella Month — March
Correct Posture Month — May
National Bed Month — March
Cow Appreciation Day — July 15
National Oatmeal Month — January
Nude Recreation Week — 2nd week in July
Mole Day — October 23, between 6:02 AM and 6:02 PM
Feet First for Animals — June (“Asks animal lovers everywhere to look at their feet to raise funds and awareness for our worldwide animals welfare projects and campaigns.”)
National Video Games Day — September 12
International Talk Like a Pirate Day — September 19 (popularity growing in Somalia)
And for more reference:
American Holidays
Holiday Insights — Bizarre and Unique Holidays
awesome
At my house everyday is “naked gardening day”
I didn’t notice it before but on National Hanging Out Day there is a picture of two goofy ladies (one whose fashion sense favors Crocs) standing behind a clothesline with a caption stating “They hang paper clothes/baby clothes on the clothesline with all kinds of interesting facts promoting clotheslines”. One of the quotes on a paper undergarment states “Clotheslines are for Everyone”. Genius.
Celebrate responsibly tomorrow:
22- Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day
22- Toothpaste Tube Birthday
22- Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood Birthday 1967
22- National Maritime Day
Every time I see the word “maritime” I think of Cherith Cutestory and Captain Hook the crook.
Get your free slurpee today at 7-Eleven.