Anti-Social Networking
bill-johnson
Male, 33 years old
Location: mudroom
Status: blogging
Mood: breezy (insert smilie)
They say we are social creatures, that social interaction is vital to healthy development, both emotionally and even cognitively. Some of us may instinctively be wallflowers or loners who crave space; some are “cat people.” But regardless of personality, despite the fact that some are satisfied in their state of seeming social ineptitude, beyond preference and comfort, somewhere Rick Springfield calls from 1983, reminding us that we all need the human touch. This is ingrained, we interact with others of our kind, it’s our nature.
The problem is this: the real world provides me with no convenient and accurate way to tally my total friend count for self-validation; when I interact with a person in real life, I’m required to interpret their current disposition; it is literally impossible for me to carry on a conversation in full view and within earshot of every person I know and countless people I don’t know, completely ignoring their disinterest in the dialogue; in real life sharing my every move — regardless of how minute and mundane — and assuming it is of interest to people comes off a little arrogant. (And this is coming from a guy with his own website.)
This is where online social networking comes in. Sites such as Facebook and MySpace allow you to do all of the above, and all from the comfort of your couch or toilet. And not only that, due to your peers’ desire to increase their popularity through total number of displayed friends, these sites can allow you to “be friends” with people who would never speak to you in real life (hence my online relationship with Ms. Pam Beesly). So it’s no wonder so many of us are glued to our screens and exchanging LOLs instead of meeting in person and laughing and clapping each other on the back. Online you can be seemingly popular but without spending the time, money and energy required by a real social life.
But I’ll admit, despite my snooty tone here, I speak from first-hand experience and I do have accounts on both MySpace and Facebook. Clearly I find annoyance in much of what these sites have to offer and the intensity with which other people use them, but they do have their positive points too. For instance, they’re good for birthday reminders, getting back in touch with people you used to know but lost track of, and for continuing to sort of stay in touch with friends you really don’t have much in common with anymore. And I’ll also admit that on rare occasions I’ve met some interesting people through these sites. Plus, just like some of you get your updates about me from reading here, I realize that your page on these sites may function in a similar way, and that’s the reason I check them every day — to see how you all are doing. And so there are clearly some good uses for online social networking. That said, let me continue to rag for a bit…
If I may, I have some questions/comments for the power users out there:
1. What are the expectations and unwritten rules regarding friend requests? I would assume that if someone I do not know wants to “befriend” me on one of these sites, I am not required to return that interest, right? (Although I have encountered some people who think differently.) But what about people I do or did know? Do the laws of real-life acquaintanceship bleed into the rules of online pretend friendship? For instance, if someone from way-back-when sends me a friend request and I know that I really don’t care to see their online updates, and so I ignore their request, does that somehow affect the real relationship should I encounter them again in the wild?
2. Those of you who update your status a zillion times a day or liberally use Twitter, what’s the deal there? I fully expect to log in to Facebook one of these days and see the status “updating my status message.”
3. Do any of you speak in the third person in real life?
4. Ninja is not a mood.
5. I really don’t understand the concept of carrying on everyday conversations on people’s “walls.” In my mind, a wall post is for broadcast messages that really are meant for all eyes. For example, if I would publicly sing along to Happy Birthday in an area Chili’s on your birthday night out, I would wish you happy birthday on your wall as well. If you accomplished something to be proud of, I would congratulate you on your wall. But seriously, these kind of exchanges completely confuse me:
YOU: hey, what are you up to tonight??!!1!
THEM: A couple of us our mtg for drinks at The Toolbox after work. You should TOTALLY come!!
YOU: LOL :)
Is this really the only form of communication you have access to at this point? You’re clearly in front of a computer, or possibly even checking your FaceSpace messages via cell phone. Why not use those devices to communicate in a more streamlined and private way? The only possible answer to that question is because for some odd reason you want everyone to see, which, again, I do not understand.
6. And this brings me to another point/piece of advice regarding detailed updates, especially for you ladies: unless you have a profile that is hidden to all but your true, trusted real-life friends, it really isn’t a good idea to broadcast to the world where you are, who you’re with, etc. This is the paranoid, practical, and protective Bill talking, but if you let the world know that you’re out of town for the weekend, or you’re home alone and bored, or you’re going for a walk to the library… this is helpful information for your number one fans. Yes, unlikely scenario, but I do think folks get carried away with the information that they’re making available and don’t consider such things. Because really, social networking sites are a great way to stalk people. That’s part of the point, right? There’s an acceptable level of stalking that many of us are actually inviting, hence the publicity. That’s part of the function, that’s part of the fun and the intrigue. I’m just encouraging some of you to think before you give out too many details to the watching world.
7. And while we’re talking about who’s watching you on these sites, how about your employers and potential employers? There are plenty of stories out there about people getting fired or turned down for jobs because of information or activities documented on their social networking profiles.
And companies aren’t just consulting such sites to check up on employees or applicants, they’re also using them for publicity, to increase awareness, and to recruit. Worlds are colliding. You’re killing independent George.
8. And if your social networking site isn’t wasting enough of your time you can always install one of their “applications.” I assure you that your friends will enjoy getting hundreds of invitations to join the mafia or the ranks of the undead or to throw random virtual objects at people.
I’m just going to say this one time, and I swear I’m not being a jerk, although I’m sure it could backfire and only get me spammed with invitations: I do not want to be a vampire, I do not want to join your mob or your crew, I do not want to be your pet, I do not want to find out how hot I am, and the drink you sent me was severely watered down.
Listen up losers: Fake MySpace/FaceBook friends.
You know that feature on Facebook where you can give updates as to what you are currently doing? Does anyone else think that some people take that thing too far? Like, some people will literally put on there “Making a sandwich” or something as mundane as that. And honestly, I would be thrilled to death if someone was so intrigued by me that they would want to know what I’m doing every minute of the day, but realistically, I could only envision that kind of intimacy between spouses, and even then, I wouldn’t think that my wife would need to check the internet to find out whether I’m picking my nose or not. I don’t know, it’s probably just me.
Scott, whatever you do, don’t check out Twitter.
I’d like to think I would avoid that like the plague simply because of the name.
I kind of abandoned MySpace, but I check Facebook a lot. I do like using it to post/view pictures.
1. There is a feature in Facebook where you can adjust exposure to friends. I think it is “see more of/ see less of” or something like that. There was a friend who I didn’t want to know about, and now I’m not alerted to their status updates, wall posts or pictures in which they are tagged.
2. See #7
3. Julie does.
4. Ninja is not a mood- it is a way of life.
5. I’ve had friends say “go to my facebook page- can you believe she wrote on my wall?” So public communication is good for 3rd party reference.
6. I had a friend who updated his status as “so-and-so got a new phone and his new number is xxx-xxxx. Brilliant.
7. My boss sent me a friend request on Facebook. I haven’t been able to accept or reject, so it’s just been sitting there for a month. I do, however, have former Professors as friends.. which still feels funny. It makes me very, very, very conscious of updates and even what others write on my wall..
8. Stop superpoking me. I stopped caring.
8. So I says, “Superpoke her? I just supermet her.”
I tell the internet to bring me food a lot. It saves me the trouble of having to hear a human voice. I normally use campusfoods.com, but I noticed that when I complete my order I now have the option of posting my order to Facebook.
It’s a beautiful marriage of being far too involved with people’s lives while not being involved at all. I’m still not letting you see how many times I have large bacon fries being delivered. You can do the math when you see me on the news being forklifted from my apartment.
Very good, thank you (FYI — it’s under Options for News Feed, at the bottom of your home page). Now if MySpace would just offer a feature like that (if they don’t already & I simply don’t realize it). That’s where I see the most annoying stuff…
If you think that by ignoring it you’ve dodged the issue you’re fooling yourself. That’s obvious rejection.
Maybe I’ll start a new thread and just blog in real time everything I eat each day. Actually, that could help me since often times I don’t remember my late-night snacks… or maybe I don’t wanna know. And neither do you, I suppose, so I guess we’ll scratch that idea.
Moving on, here’s a short article about Facebook addiction. A couple things of note: I like how under the dude’s picture it says “Warning: psychologist David Smallwood” as if they are actually warning us of this guy rather than summarizing that this man has warned folks of the dangers of social networking addiction. Also, the very last sentence re: dementia seems a tad out of place to me.
And for those of you who use the Family Tree app in your profiles you can now get DNA tests. This might save you a trip to Montel or Springer.
So apparently Santa has a twitter account. Or rather his “twittering elf” updates it for him.
Also, the absolute basement of the elf hierarchy has to be “twittering elf.”
Something else that’s nice is being tagged in pictures that you would never post. Yes, go ahead and identify me in that pic where I’m barely recognizable as human. And Facebook, please provide a link to all such pictures right under my profile photo. Thanks.
Oooh. I’m so sorry, Bill, if this is referring to a photo I have up. I’ll remove the tag.
You can edit your FB privacy settings to limit who sees tagged photos. (It’s under the Settings tab). But I agree that Facebook should think about setting the default privacy settings higher, so that people aren’t tagged in photos that they wouldn’t want all over the interwebs.
Oh no, it’s not. Don’t worry. I’m more just commenting on the concept in general, and honestly the point popped into my head while reading other people’s reactions to pictures of them that their friends had posted. I’ve seen some absolutely awful tagged pics of other people, and when you’re done laughing you gotta feel for them a bit. It is funny to see comments like “why on earth would you post this?” sometimes though.
I did see that you can un-tag yourself too, but I guess it’s more like you said, that by default Facebook just kind of throws it out there. I think in MySpace you have to approve the tag…
More speculation about how harmful social networking sites are for kids. Oh, and it may cause autism. Two thoughts:
1. The Baroness has really let herself go.
2. This lady has no Facebook friends.
This was on the news tonight: TasteCasting
Perhaps my Hunger Walk wasn’t gimmicky enough. I’ve been pondering a second go at it. Maybe if I make use of the various social media outlets next time I will succeed…
1.) I’m weirded out by the need to post ultrasound pictures on Facebook (Yes, I did know you back in the mid 90’s. No, I do not want to see inside of you.) Sorry if anyone on here has done so.. I’m sure it is a very exciting time and you want to tell the world… uhm.. however… see line above regarding wanting to see inside of you….
2.) Also, an acquaintance from way, way back in the day who is a friend on FB just posted pics of a grave with the caption “RIP Dad.” This seems like a personal moment. Maybe it’s just because of how I’m now alerted to every new picture that goes up.. but I feel as though I’ve been forced to burst in upon a very private family tragedy.
I’ve thought similar things, Julie. I will also admit that my desire to help prove your point led to an uncomfortable google search. But I seriously assumed there were some people out there who probably posted their colonoscopy photos on facebook…
The whole “becoming a fan” nonsense on Facebook is absolutely ridiculous at this point. It amazes me what kind of everyday things are available for homage, and that people actually become “fans” of them. Yes, I enjoy breathing, I guess, but I refuse to declare my love for air in such a way.
Seth H. is a fan of Bill’s Disdain for Fandom.
“Bill became a fan of Elana James. ”
I wonder why this kept coming up on my news feed if “my friend Bill” is so against befanning things…?
(Also, when I was looking this up I saw in my news feed that “my friend so-and-so bacame a fan of Jesus The Christ” and that I could “become a fan too.” I didn’t have the heart to click the link to see how many fans He currently has…)
Total Dissatisfaction With Everything
Become a fan
In other news, this is why I never become a fan of any group for which I do not know the owner. (And why you shouldn’t either).
In other news, if your Facebook friends and your Bill-book friends are the same, you might expect some invites to groups like “I totally love the Dukes of Hazzard” or “Beware of Outdoors: There are Bears there”. These groups may later change to “I am totally gay for Bill”.
Facebook is suggesting that I should become a fan of Jesus. I mean, I’d add Him as a friend, but I don’t think He’s looking for fans.
I saw someone on my friends list was a fan of sleep. I mean, c’mon.
I am totally a fan of sleep, Darren. Are you saying you are not?
I feel like I’m missing the point of Facebook when I hide feed from more people than not.
Splashcast lets you watch shows on Hulu with your friends. Kind of. “Social TV” incorporates comments into shows available on Hulu via Facebook and MySpace apps.
U.S. State Dept. encourages Twitter to postpone upgrade to maintain availability during Iranian election
First of all, this: http://www.youpet.com/
Secondly – wtf facebook?
I agree that this is dumb but will also admit that I looked at the akita profiles. I was interested in this video b/c I wasn’t sure how common it was for akitas to howl like maeby does. Maeby’s is much better, and for better reasons, I think.
“Which homeless guy used a library computer to peruse your MySpace photos?”
Bad Facebook wall posts: Lamebook
Jerry Revish
Along the lines of the Lamebook link above, here’s one funny Facebook exchange about LOTR.
Some interesting and scary nerdery for those of you who value privacy but participate on social networking sites anyway: dark stalking
Status Updates I Wish I Had the Cojones to Post:
I think there’s been a rape up there.
Nobody cares what you’re doing right now.
Do we really still need to be reminded that Obama is black?
I’m friends with most of you out of obligation and I’ve hidden you from my news feed.
I’m guessing right now a blind person wouldn’t be able to tell my dog’s face from its butt.
Remember when personal conversations occurred between two people and not in front of the whole world?
Well, I just mailed my pee.
Joining a Facebook group for a particular cause isn’t the same thing as supporting the cause itself.
Your status updates make me like you less.
Bill sent you an illegal immigrant to work your farm in Farmville.
i couldn;t agree with this more, i hate when people ask me to join these “causes”
i will totally think of the things i want to post as status but don’t because family and parents of kids are on my “friend” list
racist facebook
Facebook Abuse
My Status for the week that i don;t feel comfortable posting on facebook, song from the tv show son of the beach
“Spring Break…Spring break….Everybody’s high as a kite, sleep with a stranger tonight, Spring break!!!”
Ben Folds does Chatroulette in concert
Awesome. He could tour just doing that… (or someone should at least post more video)
In case your dog wants a twitter account: Puppy Tweets
this just sounds like a bad idea…just pay attention to your pet if you really want to know what it is doing. Second of all the phrases that the article had for the tweets were horrendous
a) “I finally caught that tail I’ve been chasing and…OOUUUCHH!”
b) “Somedays it feels like my paw is permanently on the snooze button!”
and worst of all
c) “YAHOOOOOOO! Somedays you just gotta get your bark on.”
and what exactly does your dog say when you take it to the vet? ”please don’t cut my junk…woof woof”
Here’s a site that might be an eye-opener for some of you: Openbook.
And here’s a tool that all Facebook users should take the time to try out: Reclaim Privacy. It explains on the site, but essentially bookmark this link (method may differ by browser — for example, in Firefox bookmark it by it by right-clicking the link and selecting Bookmark This Link), and then go to your Facebook privacy settings and while on that page go to your browser bookmarks and open that bookmark you just saved. This will run a script, the progress and results of which you should see there in your FB privacy page. Then note the findings and lock down your profile as needed, using the links it provides.
a made up BP twitter account
http://twitter.com/BPGlobalPR
my favorite “Eating at a very expensive restaurant and spilled salad dressing on my pants. Not sure how to tackle this. “
How to suck at Facebook.
Someone on my facebook page who recently got married uploaded several pictures of the marriage license…. I just hid her.